I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
