Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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