You can't motorboat a personality
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
