Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
