I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
