Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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