Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's always time for handjobs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
