wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
wow bdsm is so cute
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