nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
