Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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