I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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