im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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