After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So squirting runs in the family.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
