2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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