Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
