They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
