it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
