When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm too high and old for this...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
