I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize