youre lurking in front of me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
