i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
