I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
