fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
