Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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