I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
