i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
