omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
