I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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