it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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