every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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