I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
