yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
