Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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