it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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