Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
