hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
