I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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