Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
