____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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