eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
