Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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