Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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