I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
