Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
