I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
