if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
