It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Your cock deserves a montage
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
