"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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