Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
