weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
