i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
