I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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