I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
