I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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