The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
