I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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