Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize