He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize