Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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