so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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