Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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